Halloweekend

Halloween weekend was, well…challenging. It was by far the hardest weekend I have worked here at the DHP. I felt really attacked and defeated all weekend. I felt like I was letting the devil win and just not having any idea what to do for the majority of the weekend. During devotions on Monday, we took some time to just de-brief and complain about the weekend. It was healing for me to get to talk about the struggles and receive advice from believers who have been fighting these same battles for years. After discussing all the “bad” things of the weekend, George asked us to go back and think about the good things of the weekend—things we could be thankful for, small victories, good times with kids. This was so important for me to realize that in the midst of what feels like hell, the Lord is still alive and working. Sometimes I have to look harder for Him…but he never leaves.

Friday night was pretty good. After a brief confrontation between a resident and staff, we spent the night dressing up in costumes and taking pictures. Sometimes it is hard to understand why we have to have so many confrontations, but despite this, it was fun to see the kids let loose and laugh at each other in costumes. My favorite part of the night was when a male resident put on the fat ballerina suit. Awesome.

Saturday started off really well also. Work crew was great. My team of 2 residents worked really hard and we had good conversations. I was really excited about that time together and encouraged by their positive attitudes! We normally have grilled cheese every Saturday (and lots of other days too!) for lunch, so I decided to switch things up a lot (not) and make quesadillas the looked like jack’o lanterns in honor of Halloween! The kids liked them, so that was fun :) I also had entertainment while cooking…one resident missed the dress up party on Friday night, so he showed me his finds as dressing up like a woman. I am glad he is a man: he was a scary looking woman! I also got to go to my first AA meeting with a resident. Man, that was awesome. Hurting people being honest about their struggles and seeking help. I wish our churches were more like this meeting I went to! No one was afraid to admit anything. It was really challenging to me in the sense the it challenged me to seek help with the things I struggle with, share with others, and seek support with those things. It was a great community, loving and caring for each other.

Every Saturday, we have a Saturday night activity. Halloween weekend, we went to Boo at the Zoo. It was also fun…all the kids and staff got dressed up! My favorite part was that one of the residents was able to bring his girlfriend and 2 kids. They really loved it and were taking pictures the whole night. It was just neat to get to see them have that experience together that they might have never had.

After Boo at the Zoo, my teammate, Logan, and I wanted to talk to the girl residents about some issues that had been going on. I said to the girls “Hey girls, can we talk for a second after you change out of your costumes.” For some reason, this was the wrong thing to say. My primary, “Jill,” absolutely lost it and was just not going to talk to us. I tried to understand, I did, but I just couldn’t. For whatever reason, Jill was so angry and packed up a few of her things and decided she was going to leave. (I didn’t understand this because just a few hours before I was telling Allan how nice it is to have a primary like her who is SO excited about the DHP. She loved the DHP, couldn’t stop talking about how much she loved it.) Logan followed her while I ran over to tell our team leader, Sam. Sam and I jumped into the car to try and find her. Logan was sitting about 20 feet from her while Jill was dialing numbers on her cell phone looking for a ride. She did not want to talk to Logan, Sam, or myself. Logan continued to sit near her for the next hour and then I came to join them—hoping maybe she had calmed down a little bit. She had not, but Logan and I just continued to sit there with her, hoping for a miracle. I honestly have never experienced anything like this. I could feel the devil trying to win…trying to convince Jill over again that he father’s suicide was her fault, that her being raped was her fault, that she didn’t deserve to live, that she had angered God and was paying the price. I prayed the whole time for these lies to be defeated. I don’t know how it happened, but about 45 minutes later, I asked if I could carry her bags for her, and we walked home together. The hour after this was precious. We talked about what had happened, ate Oreos, drank coke, and just rejoiced that she had come home. She kept saying “A bitch runs out on y'all and you go an buy her coke!” We got to share with her about the prodigal son and his return home. To this she replied “I’m in the Bible!” I am thankful for her return and thankful for the opportunity God has given me to love on her and show her she is worthy of his love. I am thankful he has her in his hands and rejoices with more than Oreos when we come home.

Sunday was a big mixture of feelings. Sundays are normally really relaxed at the DHP and this one was no different…until about 3pm. I was on dinner duty that night, so I was in the kitchen cooking when Jill comes running in the kitchen with a blanket wrapped around her. Apparently there had been a big fight between her and another female resident. We talked about it and calmed down a little bit…enough to be able to go back into girl’s residence to get dressed for Halloween. About 20 minutes later, here comes Jill again, almost in tears! Another fight…this time ending with her computer being thrown and broken. I was still emotionally exhausted from the night before and just didn’t know how to handle this situation. How do I handle it fairly? How do I even know what really happened? What is going to happen to these cupcakes I have in the oven if I have to go over to girls to try and solve this? (that thought really did cross my mind!) Well, we came up with a plan and things ended up working out for the time being.

For Halloween, we had a big karaoke party! All the kids were pretty bummed about this idea and ticked off that they couldn’t “check out” to other places during this time, but when the time came, they actually had a fantastic idea! Everyone dressed up and most of the residents participated in some way. It was sooo fun to just see them cutting loose and being kids! I think that is one of my favorite parts of being here…just getting to watch them enjoy doing things that kids do. Check out the pictures for some visual aids :)

Sam and a resident,who isn’t a gangsta normally! ..Mike and Annie (Gumball Machine!)….Nik and Ryan (no comment)

Koolaid & Fiona (doing the Tyler face, of course!) Kallie as a firefighter!

All the female staff…we’re really fun! Travis, dressed as a resident, and his primary (and primary’s gf)

Below are pictures from the actually karaokee party!

My primary, Joe Dirt, and me!

Like I said before, I am thankful for these challenging times. Sure, life would be much simpler without them, but it is in the midst of them that I am able to see where the Lord is working. I am still working through these emotions, and even though I might sound positive and optimistic on the blog, I want to admit that I am not always this way. I do struggle. I want to give up. I don’t see hope a lot of times. I wonder why I am here, trying to help kids. Maybe I am not here to help these kids, maybe I am here so these kids can help me…help me see Jesus in small ways and surround myself with those with whom Jesus surrounded himself.