The Fatherless

I’ve really be wrestling recently with whether I want to be involved with kids like the ones that live at the DHP for the rest of my life. It is not easy. It is not even fun really. It is definitely something I could choose to not be a part of for the rest of my life if I wanted too. Kids like these are easy to avoid. Hect, they have been avoided their whole lives.  I have had thoughts like “only 5 more months, then my life will be easier. I can just teach during the day and then go home and relax at night. I won’t have to worry about all the crap these kids have been through. I won’t be around them, so I won’t have to care. I can avoid them when I’m finished here.”

Those thoughts really bothered me. But I didn’t know why really. I felt like it was fine for me to just want to take care of my future family, so why was I feeling so uneasy when I had thoughts like that?

During his family night talk one Sunday night, George answered that question for me .

 

He started his talk by saying that “Sarah” had come into his office to have a chat. George loves talking with Sarah because even though Sarah can be a wild woman sometimes, she is very perceptive and tuned into herself, to others, and to life. George said Sarah was talking about her life…about the pain of losing people she cares about, about feeling abandoned, about how difficult it is to trust, and about how she feels about herself.

He then shared a quote by Winston Churchill who was prime minister of Great Britain and who had a hellish childhood.

“What greater tragedy can there be than is presented by the spectacle of a child whose life prospects and hopes are smashed at the very outset of his or her existence.”

George said “I know many of you in this room have had that happen…hopes smashed, life crushed, you’ve been hurt and abandoned, disappointed by people who were supposed to love you.”

Then he paused.

“Even though people may let you down…” he said, “ …God has an extra special love and concern for you guys in this room.”

He then continued to share how the Bible talks over and over and over again about the very special love that God has for kids who have lost fathers and mother, who have been abandoned or abused or neglected, who have suffered.

James 1:27 “Religion that is pure and genuine in the sight of God is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress.”

George shared this verse, of which I was very familiar, but then proceeded to share lots more Scripture about caring for the fatherless.

Duet 10:11 “Celebrate the Feast of Weeks—give a freewill offering and include in your worship the aliens, the fatherless, and the widows. Remember you were slaves in Egypt. Be joyful—include the fatherless in your feasts.

Duet 10:18 “He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing, and you are to love them…”

Psalm 10:14 “But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.”

Psalm 68:5 “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing.”

George shared a lot more from Job, Hosea, Zechariah, Malachi, Isaiah, and Jeremiah, etc.—all showing the special concern that God has for the fatherless.

 

That was it.

God had spoken to me through George. He clarified yet again what I have felt for a majority of my life—that I, too, am called to love the fatherless, abandoned, hurting.

I don’t know what my future will be. I don’t know what I will be doing or what my family will look like, but I do realize that God has given me a special desire to love the unloved.  I can’t say I am necessarily excited about that because I know it will be challenging. I also know it is truth and through that I will have more joy than the joy I could have from an “easy” life. I now realize why the “I desire the easy life” thoughts I was having just weren’t clicking. God was yanking at my heart…and I can’t avoid that. 

They have dreams too…

In honor of the recent Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, we dedicated a family night to celebrating him and the amazing life he had. We watched a video about him and afterwards asked each of the residents to complete their very own “I have a dream” speech. I wanted to share some excerpts from one of the residents speech.

“I have a dream that one day I will view myself the way God views me. I have a dream that everyone will feel like they are worthy of love. I have a dream that no child will go without parents, that moms will stay and dads will never go away. I have a dream that no one will be homeless, that everyone will have a home, a safe place to be. I have a dream that one day hate will be non-existent, that people won’t cause each other pain and when the words I love you are spoken, they are not said in vain.”

I often am blinded by the bad attitude and hard face that these residents put on. I forget that underneath all that, they are just a regular kid, whose been through a pile of tough stuff in their life. I forget that they don’t particularly enjoy the chaos in their lives. I forget that maybe they want something different for themselves, but just don’t know how to achieve that. I forget that they, too, have dreams.

Half Way—6 Month Update!

I think I am getting mushier in my old age. I just love Christmas. I was so excited to go home and see Allan and my babies and the rest of my family! I love the feelings that surround Christmas and the memories that I take with me each year. I feel so blessed to have sweet memories and excited feelings surrounding Christmas. It truly is a gift and a blessing! I learned that more this year than ever before! The residents here don’t have much to be excited about during the holiday season. They don’t have family that welcome them home with open arms. They don’t have stockings with their name cross-stitched hanging above the fire. They don’t have presents waiting under a tree in a decorated house that smells like country ham. We try our best here to create a homey feeling, but it just is not the same. Why am I so blessed? It is only by the grace of God. I am grateful.

Christmas was great. I flew into Charleston, then Allan and I made the drive to Winston-Salem for the annual Hill Holiday Holla and Hallelujah. It was fun to dress up with my family, take pictures, and see some old friends!!

We celebrated Christmas the next day on Christmas Eve! Meemaw came, Honey Cate and Kessler made things amazing because of their cuteness, and Allan made my dad cry with Masters tickets!

Christmas Day was filled with laziness and SNOW!! It was so awesome!

The rest of the time in Winston was filled with hanging out with the family, opening presents at Meemaw’s house with the Crafts, meeting good friends for lunch, and me trying to spend as much time with Honey and Kessler as I possibly could!!

It was so fun to be in Charleston too and hang out with Allan’s family, watch the UNC/Tennessee football game, play with their poodles, learn how to ride a dirt bike, run over the bridge, celebrate the new year (pictured is Allan’s sister, Emily and her fiancé, Adam!) , meet some of Allan’s new friends from MUSC, and ride horses!!

Allan’s first day of class happened to be the last day I was in Charleston. The calendar on the MUSC website was wrong, so I ended up going to class with Allan before I left! It was actually kind of cool to see what he does everyday, where he sits, who he listens too. I caught up on my blog :) and was thankful the whole time that I didn’t have to try to understand what the professors were talking about!! After class, we tried out one of Charleston’s many build your own yogurt shops, which was fantastic! :) My flight ended up getting cancelled, and I got a little gift from Jesus to stay an extra night!

Coming back has been a hard transition for me. I am just now starting to feel energized here again. Everyone is finally back from vacations and it feels nice to be with all my Colorado family again!

Over break, Kim, our amazing secretary, was diagnosed with Leukemia. She is such a fighter and the most joyful cancer patient I have ever met!! She was cheerfully working up until the day she was diagnosed and the doctor told her she would have been dead in 3 weeks had she not come in. I still have yet to hear her complain about anything. You can read more about her here! She is amazing. Kallie and I went to visit her and got this awesome shot with her in our masks :)

Drew, Natalie, Honey actually got to come visit for a day too! They were in CO visiting friends from seminary, but made the trek down to the Springs to visit for a day. It was nice to have them here! I got to take them to Agia Sophia (!!!) and to meet one of my primaries! Honey loved Agia Sophia’s whip cream :)

Kallie and I went to the 2011 National Western Stock Show in Denver! It was so fun!! I had never seen broncos, and I was just amazed that people were riding them! It was such a country place to be, but another good excuse to put on those cowboy boots :)

I am glad to be back here. I continue to struggle with how to love these residents, how to really care for them and help them overcome the terrible things they have gone through in their lives. It is so tough. I realize just how selfish I am because I find myself just not wanting to deal with the issues at hand. I just want the stuff to go away, to work itself out. I frustrate myself in that sense. But the Lord is faithful to me. Somehow He feels me up and allows me to continue day in and day out here. I certainly could not do this on my own. I am grateful for the restful vacation in NC/SC. I am grateful for a family and friends that encourage and love me. I am grateful for co-workers that make it exciting to come back to CO. I am grateful for bosses that take time to really know me, to find out how I am doing.

I am amazed that I only have 5 months left here. I know I’ll miss this place.

Love like that

This weekend has been, well, tough. It is my first weekend back to work since returning to CO and leaving my comfort in NC. I forgot so quickly how much hurt and pain lives within these residents and how it manifests itself in the house.

I am on my break. I am not wanting to go back to work. I am not wanting to face the pain and the hurt.

This song just came on my itunes and it really reminded me that I need to get over myself and my emotions.

It says “God loves that guy…God loves that guy…teach me to love, teach me to love, teach me to love like that…”

Here is the youtube video for you. Enjoy… and love like that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Khw3GOQ824

5 (and a half) month update!

Man, this update is WAY overdue. I am currently sitting with Allan at MUSC as he listens to a lecture about GI/Renal stuff, and I am trying to catch up on the blog! It has been a great 2 week break, but more on that later! I have to do my monthly update first :)

The pas month was hard at the DHP. As you have read in the other posts, Christmas season is just a hard time for the residents. Their attitudes seemed to get worse, almost all the residents were either unemployed, or under-employed, meaning lots of boredom for them, job hunting for the both of us, and just plain frustration all around. I think my attitude was also worse because I knew it was almost time for my break, time to see Allan, time to see Honey and Kessler and my family! It was also a special time though, getting ready for Christmas at the DHP and just getting to share that time with the residents.

A lot happened this past month, so I’m going to recap the past month in photos for you! (much of this is in previous posts)

<---Allan came to visit!! He was here to celebrate Thanksgiving and I loved that he got to meet my primaries!

The kids got a chance to knock us out…jousting! Thanks for First Pres for letting us borrow this awesome inflatable jousting ring :)  --->

 

<---“John” and I went to see Blue Man Group to celebrate his birthday!

 

We decorate for Christmas by making stockings, decorating a tree, making Christmas’s lists, and putting lights on the house! --->

 

 

  <---We got ready for the Cali trip! Each Christmas the DHP takes the residents to Cali. They go to places like Disney Land, NBA games, The Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, etc.I can’t wait to hear all about it from the residents!! 

I saw the third Chronicles of Narnia in 3D with my team!! --->

 

<---The male training staff took an amazing Christmas photo inspired by the Christmas picture from my brother’s training staff year, which still hangs on their fridge!

Kallie and Steph decorated our apartment with a Christmas tree!! --->

 

 

 

<---The DHP staff celebrated Christmas in style! This is the one day a year when George says we have to dress up for work :)   

We wrapped LOTS of presents for our primaries! The DHP gave us $100 to buy gifts plus tons of donations were given to help give these kids a great Christmas! --->

 

<---I gave John one of his gifts before I left for vacation! A new pair of Jordans :) He was stoked!

 

I made canvases for the girl residents and gave it to them the night before I left! --->

 

My uncle donated some money so I could buy some presents for Julie and Adrian! They were excited about their diapers, wipes, clothes and camera! Thanks Uncle T! --->

 

 

 

There you have month 5 (and a half). When I am in the midst of the month, it seems long and hard. I am thankful for the pictures and the time I spend recounting the month. It allows me to really see the good things and fun times that were had throughout the month. I often get blinded by the frustrating things of working at the DHP, but it is clear that the Lord is working and I am here for a purpose. I am continuously reminded of his care for me and these residents. Thank you guys for supporting me and encouraging me when I am down. I know I say it a lot, but I seriously cannot believe I only have 5 months left! Thanks for your continued prayers! Come visit!

Party Time!

Here are some photos from the DHP staff Christmas party. The DHP is right up there with Chic-fil-a and Disney World in being one of the best organizations in the USA. They just really know how to take care of employees and do a great job at creating a community. I truly feel so blessed to get to work with all of these people, learn from them, be encouraged by them, hang out with them, voice frustrations with them, and spend a year with them. They are awesome. Merry (belated) Christmas from the DHP staff :)

   

Pictured: The 2 tables

The 2 teams

The 2 NC girls with George!!

Blue Birthday!

One of the best things about working at the DHP is that I get to work with my primary “John".” He is just awesome. His story is similar to the others: his biological mom is addicted to Meth, his sisters (both of whom lived at the DHP) need a lot of help, one is addicted to Meth and the other has 3 kids and is the victim of domestic abuse. He traveled across the country as a child with his mom trafficking drugs. He was adopted when he was 8, but his adopted mom has only been to see him 3-4 times in 5 months.

All sad. Yes. But that doesn’t stop John. No way. He is a hard worker. He wants to be different. He wants to help his sisters. He wants them to be clean of drugs. He wants his sister’s kids to have a safe home. He wants to be able to provide for a family. He worked his butt off for 4 months washing dishes at Denny’s. He busted his tail looking for another job and now has a really cool job working with a company that contracts with the DHP. He is going to college this January. He told me he never thought he would go to college.

He also turned 19 this December. For his birthday, I thought it would be fun to do something really special. Back in August, I heard that the Blue Man Group was coming to Denver! That was it…that was the special gift!! I bought tickets and kept it a secret from him until about 30 minutes before we arrived. It almost killed him! He wanted to know what his present was soooooo badly! I just told him to dress nice and we were leaving at 5 :)

We stopped for dinner and then headed to the show. It was incredible to get to go to this with John! He was excited about the lights, the billboards, just being in a city! He even loved the parking deck!! He also loved Blue Man Group. He gave me a huge hug at the end and told me it was the best birthday ever. 

Now, I don’t have children of my own, but working with my primaries has given me a small glimpse into the life of being a parent. Dropping John off at the DHP that night was strange. I truly was so gleeful that John loved the Blue Man Group, I enjoyed doing it with him. I wanted to be able to do more, to just show him even more that he is worth tickets to a show plus more. I was kinda emotional knowing he was getting older. At the same time as these emotions, I was sad that he lives at the DHP, not because it is a bad place to be (quite the opposite actually) but because what he has been through in his life has led him here. He has been through so much crap that I wish he did not have to experience.  It was weird to have those feelings, but I do believe the Lord has given me a love for this guy, a desire to help show him his worth. I am thankful for that.

  

Santa Socks

Like I said in the previous post, the DHP really goes all out for Christmas! Every family night in December was spent in effort to celebrate the coming of Jesus in a fun way! The week after we decorated the house, we spent the night making our own stockings so Santa could stuff them full of goodies :)

The residents really got into this. The garage was filled with supplies like glitter, glue, paint, shapes, fabric, ribbons, etc. and the residents could decorate their stocking however they wanted to. They got really creative!! (and a little too glittery! :))

 

      

One of my favorite things about this night was that the house was filled with old residents!! That is one thing I love about the Dale House and actually one reason I wanted to work there: the fact that old residents come back because it is home to them. One old resident caught the Frex bus all the way from Denver so she could come back and visit because she missed the atmosphere of the DHP. It was like a big reunion, everyone coming home for the holidays. I loved being a part of that night and seeing people just enjoy being together.