Right now I am weary, frustrated, stressed, and just plain wanting to run away from this place. Every day is a struggle and I am getting worn down. I feel like I am in constant conflict with the residents. Simple things are made into such a battle. I got yelled at by a resident for saying “I’m sorry” and “thank you” too much. I realize it is just because this “normal” way of handling myself is something she is not familiar with. She is used to being cussed at and yelled at. In the same way it is uncomfortable for me to be yelled and cussed at, maybe it is uncomfortable for her to have people love her and believe in her. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of sarcastic attitudes. I am tired of these residents not realizing their potential and wanting to change. I am sick of the fact that change is so hard for them because they have spent 17-18 years of their lives knowing nothing but hardship, nothing but fighting, nothing but hurt.
But then I am reminded that this is just one year out of my life. I can escape. I can call people who love me and will encourage me. I can leave here in a year and all these problems will go away. The residents cannot. These struggles that I am currently bearing with them will be a constant battle for the rest of their lives. I don’t have to battle the effects of sexual abuse, physically abusive parents, gang affiliation, drug use, being a crack baby, living on the streets, not having anyone who cares for me. These kids do not have family that they can call for encouragement or people outside of the Dale House who even love them. It breaks my heart when I realize that. I feel guilty when I get frustrated with the kids because I cannot imagine waking up and facing the day if I had been through half of the things they have been through. I don’t give them enough credit.
As I sat with my co-workers this morning writing Christmas cards to our donors, I was reminded that I am not alone here, even when I feel beat up. Not only do I have the people I work with, but I have a list of people at home that are supporting me and cheering me on here. It is so humbling to see that list and realize that these people are behind me in this, supporting me, loving me, and being Christ to me. I have way more people on that list than I deserve.
So I can do this. I can love these kids through all the crap they are dealing with. I can do this because it is what I have been called to do. I can do this because Jesus gave me a heart for kids like these, neglected, hurting, kids. I can do this because I have friends and family who love and support me. I can do this because I serve a mighty God. I can do this because that mighty God loves these kids and wants them to know that. I can do this because his grace is sufficient for me. I can do this because His power is made perfect in my weakness.
