Yes I Can

Right now I am weary, frustrated, stressed, and just plain wanting to run away from this place. Every day is a struggle and I am getting worn down. I feel like I am in constant conflict with the residents. Simple things are made into such a battle. I got yelled at by a resident for saying “I’m sorry” and “thank you” too much. I realize it is just because this “normal” way of handling myself is something she is not familiar with. She is used to being cussed at and yelled at. In the same way it is uncomfortable for me to be yelled and cussed at, maybe it is uncomfortable for her to have people love her and believe in her. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of sarcastic attitudes. I am tired of these residents not realizing their potential and wanting to change. I am sick of the fact that change is so hard for them because they have spent 17-18 years of their lives knowing nothing but hardship, nothing but fighting, nothing but hurt.

But then I am reminded that this is just one year out of my life. I can escape. I can call people who love me and will encourage me. I can leave here in a year and all these problems will go away. The residents cannot. These struggles that I am currently bearing with them will be a constant battle for the rest of their lives. I don’t have to battle the effects of sexual abuse, physically abusive parents, gang affiliation, drug use, being a crack baby, living on the streets, not having anyone who cares for me. These kids do not have family that they can call for encouragement or people outside of the Dale House who even love them. It breaks my heart when I realize that. I feel guilty when I get frustrated with the kids because I cannot imagine waking up and facing the day if I had been through half of the things they have been through. I don’t give them enough credit.

As I sat with my co-workers this morning writing Christmas cards to our donors, I was reminded that I am not alone here, even when I feel beat up. Not only do I have the people I work with, but I have a list of people at home that are supporting me and cheering me on here. It is so humbling to see that list and realize that these people are behind me in this, supporting me, loving me, and being Christ to me. I have way more people on that list than I deserve.

So I can do this. I can love these kids through all the crap they are dealing with. I can do this because it is what I have been called to do. I can do this because Jesus gave me a heart for kids like these, neglected, hurting, kids. I can do this because I have friends and family who love and support me. I can do this because I serve a mighty God. I can do this because that mighty God loves these kids and wants them to know that. I can do this because his grace is sufficient for me. I can do this because His power is made perfect in my weakness.

SANTA?! I know him!!!

Enjoy :)

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/A8ZEOUjrsBi4Fvsu?cmpid=ey_fb_friend

 

and this one too.

 

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/PuMZBV68bnXmDh1c?cmpid=ey_fb_friend

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS :)

Short but oh So Sweet

Not to sound mushy, but I just love it when Allan is close. I am so thankful he was able to come visit! It was such a quick trip but filled with fun :)

On Friday, we decided to take advantage of the freezing cold and go skiing. I am a pretty bad skier to say the least, but Allan stuck with me the whole time! I was going so slowly that I think I went up the mountains at some points. He was really helpful though in teaching me the S technique to help with my speed and how to control my skis. I loved skiing on the fresh powder! I am used to the ice of NC! What a huge difference! I’m excited to try again :)

I also took him to my favorite ice cream place (of which I have blogged about before!). You can get HUGE cones for $1! That is so awesome. I’m excited to take my mom there when she comes to visit. You will love it, mom! We were also able to get the holiday season officially started by watching Elf, the best Christmas movie ever.

It’s always sad to see him go, but I am thankful for the short time we had together!

I also got pretty exciting news….my little cousin (by 7 days!) is getting married!! :) Congratulations Robbie and Liz!

“Great”ful Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving at the Dale House is a day that I had been hearing about since I arrived. “Oh just wait until Thanksgiving…Thanksgiving at the DHP is awesome…I love thanksgiving at the DHP…” You get the point. After now experiencing it, I understand what these people mean.

Preparation for Thanksgiving started the day before with Kevin and Nik carving 15 turkeys! Holy cow…err…turkey.

 

Allan got to come visit (!!!) and my primaries were excited to finally meet mystery man. “Susie” said she was star struck, finally meeting the famous Allan. It was fun for them to be so excited to meet him and I was happy he was finally able to meet people that are so important to me here at the DHP.  He quickly fit right in, hanging out with our guitar playing resident and then showing off his cooking skills making sweet potato casserole! It had 8 cups of butter in it and tasted like a orange piece of heaven! :)

 

 

Thanksgiving day started with a big brunch followed by a football game!

 

 

Sharon Comiskey, Kevin’s wife, is an amazingly crucial part of the DHP. She is responsible for planning all of our meals and buying all of the food. I love the way she loves and cares for us. She is so laid back and acted like feeding 75-80 people for Thanksgiving was no big deal. wow.

 

 

After football, we had a mini family night (the service we have on Sunday nights). This part was really fun and meaningful to me. It was such a special sight to see that room stuffed full of people…not only current residents and staff, but past residents and staff who have come home to spend Thanksgiving . I felt so blessed to be there with Allan, with my awesome co-workers and friends, with the kids I live with, with my bosses who have done this for many, many years, with my boss’s kids who have never had a Thanksgiving not at the DHP, with old staff members, with old residents whose only family is the DHP. It was just a neat, touching sight as we all sang songs about Jesus together. One of my co-workers called it a holy moment, and I think that is a great way to describe it. It was also hard to think about the fact that these kids are at the DHP for Thanksgiving because they have no one. They have no family. They have no where else to go. I feel so blessed that I got to celebrate this day with the lonely, rejected, out casted. I also feel blessed to be a part of a place that gives these lonely, rejected, and out casted people, a home and a family.

 I got to help lead worship by playing the djembe drum…with Bella as my side kick. Bella is one of the most amazing little girls ever. Her parents lived at the DHP about 7 years ago. Her mom is currently in jail and her dad only sees her when it is convenient for him. When they don’t feel like having Bella around, they simply drop her off with Kevin and Sharon, who have become like her parents. I don’t know how they do what they do…loving this little girl that they cannot have all the time. When Bella’s parents want her, Kevin and Sharon have to watch her go with them, not knowing what Bella will experience or be exposed to and not knowing the next time they will see her. I love they way they love this little girl unconditionally and so willingly give up their lives to care for this child of God. I loved watching Bella smile and laugh as she banged out of rhythm on the drum. It sounded terrible, but was a beautiful noise unto the Lord and a precious sight.

After we sang, Kevin gave a short talk. After the talk, he asked if anyone wanted to share what they were thankful for. Many people shared thanks for the Dale House, for the family they had found at the DHP, for what they had learned at the DHP, for a second chance at life, for being alive. It was so cool to hear these kids, who seemingly have nothing to be thankful for, share things they are thankful for.

    

After family night, it was grub time. and I mean grub time! Wow! SO much food…enough to fill a garage full of 80 hungry people :) Allan’s and my turkey cookies were a hit for dessert :) I’m thankful I didn’t have to do dishes that day…thanks to old staff!

 

On the wall, we had set up a place where kids could write things they were thankful for. I was touched by the words on the paper. Its moments like these that give me hope and help remind me of this opportunity I have been given to show Christ’s love to those who have never felt love.

 

I am thankful I was able to be here for Thanksgiving. Its often hard for me to be away from my family on holidays (this year was no different), but I am so glad I got to be a part of these kids Thanksgiving. I hope that they felt just a small ounce of the love that I feel from my family…the love that makes it hard to be away.

Did I mention how much I love the people I work with? We’re a lot of fun.

 

Hilarious

I just had to share this picture because I think it is hilarious. The residents and staff made turkey hands one night before Thanksgiving. This is Ryan's, one of the guys I work with. He broke his hand playing football with the residents a few weeks ago…so it kinda affected his ability to trace his hand.

Just another reason I love my co-workers.

All in a day’s work

I am copying my friend, Kallie’s blog. She did a great job re-capping the craziest, most hectic, indescribable day. It literally was just unreal. 

Kallie works day time (8-6) and is generally at the house alone with about 5-15 kids at any given time of the day. I think she is the most incredibly patient person I know! I am also copying her blog because I only became involved in the chaos when I arrived for lunch duty at 12:30.

I walked into a house that looked like a powdered sugar fight had just occurred. EVERYTHING was covered in a layer of white powder. I mean everything. The pictures don’t do it justice. It was embedded into the carpet, in the kitchen drawers, on top of the refrigerator, in the cabinets, everywhere.  Meanwhile, I couldn’t find Kallie to see what the hect had happened.. I finally found her outside talking with a female resident who about 15 minutes before was horse-playing with some of the male residents. Apparently the horse playing got a little outta hand, and a particular male resident ended up actually hitting her, and pretty hard in the leg. She was crying and upset by the situation. She was held down by 2 other male residents while this happened, until they realized how hard she was actually getting hit. Kallie was trying to figure out what had exactly happened and whether or not charges needed to be pressed on this particular resident (which did not happen).

After Kallie finished with this situation, she explained to me that this same particular resident who did the hitting decided to prop a fire extinguisher on the top of a half closed door, so that when the door was opened, the extinguisher would fall onto someone’s head. Well, Kallie happened to be the person that opened this half-closed door. Luckily another resident saw what was about to happen and held Kallie back. Instead of Kallie’s head cracking open, the fire extinguisher exploded. I much prefer the powder to Kallie’s head, but holy cow. wow.

I had to clear everyone out of the house so this particular resident could work on cleaning up this mess. Turns out we had to hire a professional cleaning team, or else…he would probably still be cleaning!

Lunch went smoothly and then I went home for 30 minutes.

During out 2:30 meeting (where the staff meet and discuss the kids, their plans for the day, etc), we get a call from a detective asking if “particular resident” (PR) is there. We say yes, and she asks which house he lives in. We then hear police noises in the background and the detective hangs up. Nik, my teammate, then goes outside to ask “particular resident” (who is sitting on the curb as part of punishment) to go to the office to talk to my boss, Kevin. PR responds that “they can come get him from there.” He was, of course, referring to the cops. Nik, trying to affirm PR that we haven’t called the cops and he isn’t going to jail, tells PR that the cops aren’t coming…just as 2 cop cars pull up. Nik wasn’t lying. We had not called the cops. Turns out the PR had actually called the cops on himself, reporting suicidal thoughts/plans. The cops talk with PR and eventually call and ambulance. He is police escorted to the ER.

After all of this, we start work crew and setting up for the 75 people that will be eating with us on Thanksgiving. We had to get out tables and chairs and set them up. This is no short, easy task amidst the craziness of the afternoon. Plus, we aren’t allowed in the house because of the cleaning crew…so we are trying to keep up with kids and do this at the same time.

Around 4 that afternoon, PR’s ex-girlfriend arrives home and finds out about PR. She freaks out and is yelling at the girl who got hit by him, thinking she is the reason all of this happened, and that he will go back to jail, and etc. etc. etc. Another resident, a good friend of PR, breaks down crying because he is fearful that PR will end up in adult jail, which is no joke.

At about 5 that afternoon, the female resident who was terminated about 2 weeks ago, shows up wanting her things. She is wearing booty shorts in the freezing weather. She is walking around flaunting that she can’t feel the cold because she is so “fu**ing high.” Cool.

The cleaners finally left around 6. We are allowed back inside to start the process of sanitizing the thousands of dishes that we have that were covered in extinguisher powder.

We also had to figure out dinner. Since Kallie was not allowed to be in the kitchen, no dinner was prepared…Thank God, yet again for Chic-fil-a. We took all the kids there and had a nice little field trip! :)

It was an exhausting day. Nothing that happened was funny, but I just had to laugh at it because, wow. That is just crazy.

All in a day’s work…at least here at the dale house!

Month Four Reflections!

 

Every time the 15th of a month comes, I am amazed. Another month of my one-year stint here has passed.

I have been trying to organize my thoughts for this post, but my brain just feels like mush. This has been a month of feeling defeated, frustrated, angry, annoyed, and hopeless. I hesitate to say hopeless because I know I serve a Savior of great hope. I do not want to negate that or seem like I do not believe that, because I do... very strongly. I am thankful that He is a God of hope and I can rely on him for hope, instead of the life choices and situations that seem constant here at the DHP. If I had only those to rely on…I would have quit a while ago!

While I was home for Annie’s wedding, my new primary, “Susie,” arrived. She is great. She is bubbly, funny, likes country music, and we get along great, usually. She has had one of the hardest lives that I have ever heard of. Just a quick recap: sexual abuse starting at 4 years old, a broken home, a mother who would put her in the hospital because she thought she was sick, drug/alcohol abuse, an alcoholic father, homelessness, sex-trafficking, different foster homes, sexual abuse by foster parents, lived in a crack house for 2 years, watched her father kill himself, etc. etc. etc. Pretty crazy huh? I thought so too.

With all her greatness comes great hurt. Lots of my feelings of inadequacies come from having no idea how to help this girl. I cannot imagine the amount of pain that she has endured throughout her life. Because of this pain, Susie often has “outburst” (as I like to call them). I am often caught off guard by these outbursts of anger, cussing, irrationality because they come so suddenly. I wrote about some of these instances here and here. I know that I am here to work with her through these and love her regardless, but it gets tiring. I don’t have the answers to her hard questions. I don’t know when she is “just going to get a break in life.” I just want her to be freed from all this crap she is experiencing in her brain.

Another tough thing this month was watching two residents go back to jail. After a few suspicious check outs, we finally discovered the truth…they were checking out to get high by smoking black mamba (K2, Colorado chronic, spice, etc.). Black mamba is similar to Mary J, except that it is more dangerous due to the fact that we don’t know the side effects of the drug. You can (and should) watch this video about it on abc news. When dropping one resident off at jail, he simply said “It doesn’t matter…this is my second home anyway.” My heart breaks for these kids! That is not their second home. That is not what the Lord wants for them! This also frustrates me so much because I see the potential in these kids. I also see the constant bad decisions that land kids back in jail and I get so frustrated. They don’t really want to be there, so why are these decisions made??? I cannot answer this or fix it, and it drives me crazy! I also need to remember where these kids have come from…the things they have been through. Things that are simple to me are not simple to them. We are fighting against 17-18 years of crap where they are told they are not worth it, not valuable…how can that mindset be changed? It sure is a hard fight.

Allllso…We recently had another female resident run away from the Dale House. “Carol” ran to Denver, got involved in some things, and the cops picked her up. She asked for a chance to come back to the DHP, which we allowed. When Carol was here the first time, it was t-o-u-g-h.She struggled with relationships with the other residents. She struggled with relationships with the staff. She just struggled. It was just tough. She decided it was too hard for her, and ran. Upon returning, she was given very strict guidelines. Her behavior and conflict style needed to be different and her relationships needed to improve. Her first day back was no different than when she left. Blow-ups, arguments, hurtful words, threats, etc. She had used up her second chance and I had to witness her finding out that she had been terminated from the program. It was hard to hear the conversation between her and our social worker, but so necessary for the other residents at the DHP. Carol needs a lot of help and a lot of prayer. It was hard to see her go, knowing that she had no where to go that night. She did have enough money for a hotel room, and hopefully she did that instead of sleeping outside. It’s hard to see kids like Carol, who need so much. I am angry with the people who raised her. I am angry with the power of the devil. I am angry she couldn’t control her actions so she could stay at the DHP. I just feel helpless.

Tonight at family night, Ted talked about Hebrews 12:1.

 Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus.

It still amazes me how the Lord uses the people I work with to encourage me so much. Ted didn’t know my struggles, but used a verse that is just so perfect for me this month. I pray I can throw the things off that are hindering me…throw off discouragement, throw off frustration, throw off my lack of compassion, throw off my hopelessness, throw off anger…and run with perseverance with my eyes fixed on Jesus.

Whew. That was a lot. Thanks for reading, praying, caring, supporting, loving, and running with me.

 

and for some happy news…Allan comes to visit in 2 days!!

Will Skate for Food

Everyone knows I love Chic-fil-a. I literally could eat it everyday. About two weeks ago, my friend and co-worker Travis found a flyer advertising a “First 100 Skate-a-thon” in celebration of their one year anniversary. The first 100 skaters (yes, roller skaters) would win 52 free combos!! Now, I have done a camp out, where you “camp” in the Chic-fil-a parking lot for 52 free combos…but skating all night? Hect yes!

My team was “on duty” the morning that registration opened, but we talked our team leader into coming over to the kid’s house 2 hours early so we could be waiting at Chic-fil-a at 6am to register! It paid off…we were numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5!! Way to go Team Dale. All that separated us from one year of free Chic-fil-a was 8 hours of continuous roller skating around the Chic-fil-a  parking lot overnight! (10pm-6am)

The time came to load up and head over to Chic-fil-a. We stopped by for some caffeine and snacks at the grocery store!

  

We made it to Chic-fil-a!

We had to be there at 8pm to check-in, get our bracelets, eat dinner, and suit up! The actual skating started at 10pm sharp! It was hilarious watching 108 people try to get dressed for the 19 degree weather inside the restaurant! We had some fans come out to cheer us on…the cows and the Comiskey’s! The picture below to the left is right before we headed out of the warmth to get rollin’!

    

Jon Comiskey (Kevin’s awesome son) stayed with us all night, even though he wasn’t registered, or skating! He let us hold on to his jacket and he would tow us! He had a chain of about 12 people at one time. Pure strength!

 

 

 

It got pretty cold out there, but we had a lot of fun doing it! It was really nice to walk through the doors at 6am and receive a sweet t-shirt and 52 free meals, all wrapped up pretty in a nugget box :)

 

I am thankful for the awesome people I work with that like to have fun, stay up all night, and eat Chic-fil-a. I truly feel so blessed to get to work with these people and call them friends! Enjoy the photos below :)

and…Eat Mo’ Chicken

     

                       My slippers were frozen when I tried to put them on!                           The pile of skates at 6am!

Angels Among Us

Sometimes, God works through the most unusual people.

After a hard morning with my new primary, “Susie",” (her leaving work, her feeling like she couldn’t breathe when she could, her running away, her yelling at staff, her running away again only to be found by Stephanie walking down the street, her demanding an appt to the doctor right NOW!, etc. etc. etc. ) we had finally arrived at her doctor’s appointment (that had been scheduled two weeks before, but she didn’t want to wait 3 hours for it that morning).

As we are sitting in the waiting room, Susie gets really upset with me, for a reason of what I am still unsure.. F*** you’s and F*** this, and I hate the DHP, and blah,  blah, blah… Then she gets up and leaves the appointment. Great. Just great. She had complained about having to wait 3 hours until her scheduled appointment and now she was leaving. I was so confused/frustrated/angry/embarrassed.

I looked at the man (who appeared about 35 years old and like he could have maybe lived at the DHP at one point in his life) sitting across from us who had witnessed this whole interaction. As I stood up to follow Susie, I said sarcastically “I love my life.” The man looked at me, with such genuine, understanding eyes and said “God loves your life.”

As I rushed down the stairs after Susie, I couldn’t stop thinking about that man. How he was placed there in that waiting room, after a super hard day, to remind me of that.

After a phone call to Anne (my hero and the social worker at the DHP), and some talking, Susie decided to come back inside and go to her appointment. As we were walking in the building, the man was coming out by himself. He said “Keep doing what your doing.”

It brought me to tears. Why was that man in the waiting room? He left with no one, so he probably wasn’t waiting for anyone. We weren’t gone long enough for him to have gone to an appointment if he was there for an appointment by himself. It just didn’t add up. 

I guess I will never know why that man was there, but it doesn’t matter why he was there. It just matters that he was.

Welcome to the World!

 

Remember that time I tried my attempt at photography and shot some pregnancy photos of Julie and Adrian?? Well, I am proud to announce that on October 24, Little Adrian came into the world! Julie had to have an emergency C-Section, but mom and baby are doing great! He is such a little cutie! I actually got to take them home from the hospital and it was such a neat time for me…just to get to see her carry him into their home. She is so proud of him already! I honestly thought the first baby I would bring home from the hospital would be my own, but I feel blessed that the Lord would allow me that responsibility and allow me to love Julie in that way. Please please please pray for this little family!  Pray that I can know how to love them the best I can in my time here at the Dale House Project!

He wasn’t too excited about his car seat!