Not created for this

I just had to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Working at the Dale House provides a chance to experience all sorts of things. My life here is actually crazy. I never envisioned I would be hanging out with the kids I am hanging out with and getting to know them as the people they are…not as criminals, which our society has deemed them. I never envisioned that I would share life with kids who have been neglected, abused, sold, hurt, criticized, abandoned. I never envisioned that I would get the chance to love them and show them they are worth more than their past.

I also never envisioned I would have to take a kid back to jail to help them realize that worth.

but I did.

and gosh, was it hard.

My primary, “Ashley” had just been spiraling down. She is the sweetest resident. She is so polite. I love this girl. She is awesome. But she was making bad decisions which were causing her to just keep spiraling down and down.

This weekend, she snuck out of the house after lights-out and got caught.

I went with Matt, a team-leader to her work to let her know that she was being terminated from the DHP.

She didn’t run. She didn’t yell. She didn’t resist. She just simply asked…”for good?”

As we were driving to Spring Creek (the jail), Matt asked her why she asked us “for good?”

She replied that it is because she doesn’t want to leave the DHP. She knows she has more potential than she has been displaying. She knows she can make better decisions.

It hurt me so much to leave her at the jail. I couldn’t hug her. I couldn’t rescue her from that place. I simply had to watch them take her belongings, search her body, and give her a green jumpsuit.

I cried as I was leaving out of frustration—not with her—but with what she has had to deal with in her life. What if she had grown up in a loving family? What if she had a mother that wanted the best for her? What if she was shown her value at a young age?

My mind is racing right now. How blessed am I? Why am I am lucky to have the life I have, especially when so many of the world are suffering? Why am I not in jail? Why am I free? It’s not fair.

She was not created to live in a jail. Not this girl. Not anyone. I just so badly wish I could make her realize this. I hope and pray that, even as she sits in jail, that she knows she is loved…by me, yeah, but more importantly, by Jesus. I hope she can get a glimpse of how awesome she is in his sight.

I really hope Ashley gets to come back to the DHP. I really hope I can love on her while she is at SC too through visiting her. I hope that her time at SC helps refocus her, helps her to realize that she was not making wise decisions, and helps her realize there is more out there for her than where she was headed. Our world offers such empty solutions to pain. They are easy and quick fixes, but oh so short lived and they make me so angry!

As we pulled into the parking lot of the jail, Ashley said a silent prayer and then did the sign of the cross across her shoulders. She knows the Lord is with her and that’s what she was created for.